Fresh flowers spruce up Valentine’s Day dates easier than making your own candy or paying your nephew to dress as a Cupid-themed living statue. Arm yourself with amorous bouquets with today’s Groupon: for $20, you get $40 worth of flowers an…
Bakersfield Daily Deals 
$10 for Two Slap Watches from Slap Gear ($30 Value)
Wristwatches offer a more convenient approach to telling time than measuring your own shadow or asking a bellman’s hand in marriage. Stay on top of the times with today’s Groupon: for $10, you get two stylish, no-buckle watches from Slap Gear …
$35 for a Dental Package with Exam, Cleaning, and X-rays at Right Dental Group ($300 Value)
Though fake vampire fangs were originally designed to conceal uncleanly teeth, their waxy composition rendered them useless for chewing anything but dough balls dipped in water. Properly protect pointy chompers with today’s Groupon: for $35,…
$85 for Custom Facial from Kayle Estrada at Salon Gianna ($185 Value)
Studies show that modulating one’s facial expression instantly builds camaraderie, whether by laughing at a joke, frowning at a sad story, or making empathetic fish lips at an unemployed merman. Prep your kisser for many roles with today’s Gro…
$25 for $75 Worth of Wine from Barclay’s Wine
Until cellars are stocked with bottles of wine, they are only good for hiding boxes of half-written screenplays and keeping lonely pipes company. Fill the subterranean space with today’s Groupon: for $25, you get $75 worth of fine fermented gr…
$19 for a Custom Self-Designed Doodle Speaker from OrigAudio (Up to $39.99 Value)
Just as making a mountain out of a molehill results in unnecessary hurdles to climb over, making a speaker out of a molehill results in unnecessary mole polka, mole grunge, and mole techno. Try better materials with today’s Groupon: for $19, y…
$20 for $40 Worth of Cigars and Accessories from StogieBoys
Cigars recall ritzy bygone eras, taking partakers back to the days of wheeling-and-dealing high rollers, distinguished newspaper moguls, and monocle-clad carriage horses. Breathe in tobacco tradition with today’s Groupon: for $20, you get $40 …
$20 for Two Videotapes Transferred to Two DVDs from The Video Editor ($40 Value)
Now that VHS is a dead video format, VCRs are mainly used to rewind balls of yarn and hide rectangular items from someone who already bought every Alan Alda film on DVD. Convert your VCR into a full-time storage chamber with today’s Groupon:…
$85 for Professional Resumé-and-Cover-Letter Services from JMC Resumes, Ltd. ($215 Value)
A strong resumé is like a lion: it shreds competition, gives off a mighty roar, and never has a bad hair day. Reign as king of the job-market jungle with today’s Groupon: for $85, you get a professional resumé- and-cover-letter-writing servi…
$6 for Two Thunder Road Go-Kart Rides at Camelot Park ($13.50 Value)
Go-karts allow people to experience the thrill of driving without having to hear radio ads for pungent soaps or look at four empty seats that remind them of the time someone stole their family of mannequins. Keep thrills pure with today’s Grou…